Can a Recovering Addict Get Custody?

Regaining Parental Rights Following the Decision to Get Sober

If you have been through the wringer of abuse and addiction you already know the reality: drugs affect far more people than just the addict. In my case, I lost custody of my two children due to my substance abuse and alcohol addiction.

If this is something you have had happen, it is incredibly difficult. Losing child custody due to substance abuse is more than heartbreaking, it is a complex legal situation to overcome. And aside from the legalities, it is difficult for the children to not feel neglected, and even harder for the parent to not feel like a failure. At least it was for me. I was a very proud father even when using and it became even more important for me in seeking sobriety.

Throughout treatment and getting clean and sober, I kept asking and even doubting: Can a recovering addict get custody?

Even though I achieved sobriety through South Shores Detox and Recovery, I had put a lot of time and effort into regaining custody of my children. There were a lot of hurdles and struggles that went into my attempts to regain custody, but they were all worth it. I would do anything for children, no matter how difficult it got.

I hope you keep reading if this sounds familiar, and I will break down the way I finally got the answer I wanted and needed to the core question you came for: Can a recovering addict get custody?

Overcoming Drug Abuse And Getting My Family Back

I learned a lot about myself through substance abuse treatment, including the harm I had caused my children. As a parent, your child’s safety should be your number one priority. Unfortunately, the power of drug or alcohol addiction can prevent you from doing your duties as a parent or guardian.

If you want to regain child custody, you have to prepare yourself for the bumps and setbacks that may arise. Child protective services (aka CPS) make it difficult for you to regain custody, especially if you lost custody due to legal and personal issues associated with addiction. So many children grow up with addicted parents, and they have no recourse.

My children’s safety and happiness are my number one goal in life. Forgiving yourself is the only way to get through the trauma of losing child custody. If you have lost custody of your children due to addiction, continue reading to learn what you can do to get your family back.

How Drug Or Alcohol Addiction Destroys Families

I had children early in life before I was mature enough to know how to navigate having a family. My wife and I jumped in headfirst and did everything for our kids. I worked long hours in order to support my family, and the stress began to get to me.

I have always been a drinker, but my alcohol abuse worsened due to the stress associated with having a family, owning a home, and all the responsibilities that come with those things.

I began to take cocaine so that I could handle the long hours I was working. Whenever I would have free time, I would go on drug and alcohol binges in order to forget about all of my familial duties. As our children got older, the less I was able to keep it together. My wife began to notice the trouble I was having and encouraged me to seek treatment.

Losing Child Custody Due To Substance Abuse

Eventually, my issues with substance abuse became too much for my wife to handle. We separated and got joint legal custody of our children. The combination of a divorce and dealing with the court system made my drug abuse worse. I eventually lost my job and was unemployed for a long period of time, unable to support myself or my children.

I ended up working a series of odd jobs while continuing to engage in worsening substance abuse. By the time my children started going to school, my life was in shambles. Everything finally blew up when I was drunk driving with my children in the car.

I was arrested and my ex-wife filed for sole legal custody, which she was eventually given by the Judge in the interests of ‘child safety.’ (I try not to be bitter, but it still stings to this day.)

The Despair Of Losing Your Family

Everything got worse for me when my kids were taken away. At that point, I had nothing. Even though I wasn’t being a good parent before, now I wouldn’t have the opportunity to be a parent at all. The shame and sadness I went through after losing custody of my children led me to the brink of dying from my drug and alcohol abuse.

My drinking and drug use increased to the point where I was getting high and drunk as soon as I got up in the morning. Things got darker than I ever could have imagined, and my depression led to me attempting suicide. I was at my absolute bottom, with no one there to support me. I had pushed everyone away and had no one left in my life, not even most of my family members.

It was rare for anyone to pick up the phone when they saw my calls coming in, even when I openly declared I had reached my breaking point.

I won’t get too much into my suicide attempt, as it is a deeply personal thing that I only discuss when I am in therapy. What I will say, is the fact that I woke up from it knocked something loose in me. I began to imagine what my life could be like if I got clean. Regaining child custody seemed like an unattainable goal, but I was ready to give it a shot.

Making The Decision To Tackle Your Substance Abuse

It’s hard to say what it takes for an addict to change their ways. It looks different for everyone. All of our addictions are unique to use, and we all have different personalities. However, because of my time in recovery, I do know that it often takes an addict hitting bottom in order to change.

I always say that you should never get between an addict and their bottom. Sometimes you have to hit bottom in order to climb back up. Not always, but certainly it was the case for me.

I sought substance abuse treatment at South Shores Recovery and, unlike some of the other clients, I was absolutely ecstatic to start the recovery process. Once I got through detox and into the various recovery programs at South Shores, I began to see what my life could be like. The initial sobriety period was very scary. I had many weak moments, and there were several occasions when I drank.

Luckily for me, these were quick blips. I went to meetings as soon as I sobered up and confessed what I had done. I was given so much love and support through these meetings that it made me take sobriety more seriously. You’ll never meet more supportive people than in support groups.

Dealing With Child Protective Services

It takes an uphill battle to regain custody of your children. You have to prove to a family court judge that you are making progress in your sobriety. Even if you are making strides in your recovery, the court system can be very frustrating.

The key is not to be too impatient. You have to let the process play out while continuing to put yourself in the best possible position to regain custody. It can help to look over the resources available from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) as they offer a ‘National Family Support Technical Assistance Center,’ that provides a lot of useful material for families in this position.

It’s easy to let your anger and emotions get the best of you during this process. For me, the most important thing was not to resent my ex-wife. I knew that she did what was best for our kids. Even though she said some awful things to me during our divorce, I knew it was because I hurt her. I put her in a tough position. None of this was her fault.

All Child Custody Cases Look Different

No matter what the circumstance, regaining legal custody of your children can get messy. Divorce is difficult enough, but if you are trying to get joint custody back following drug addiction, you need to let things play out the way that the court says. Following several months of sobriety, drug tests, probation meetings, and a lot of legal hoops, I was granted supervised custody of my kids.

This was a huge win for me. Even though it was uncomfortable to visit my kids in the presence of a CPS worker, it gave me a huge boost of confidence. Even though I had made it this far, I had a lot of work to do in regaining my children’s trust. They were old enough to know why I had lost custody of them in the first place. They held a lot of resentment, and I didn’t blame them for it.

All you can do in this situation is slowly regain trust. Take it slow and do little things. Don’t make big promises that you can’t keep. Remember, this whole process is not about you. It’s about your child’s well-being. A parent’s addiction poses a lot of challenges when it comes to a healthy relationship with your kids.

Be A Positive Influence In Your Child’s Life

You can only lead by example. Once my children started to see that I was trying hard to get better and be a good parent, they slowly started to come around. As time went on, the supervised visits became more frequent. After about a year, I was given unsupervised custody. By this point, I had a steady job and a good place to live. This played a big role in getting custody back.

When the court sees that you are making strides, they will act accordingly. Yes, there are cases where you have to fight extra hard to regain custody, but usually, they will cut you some slack if they see you making progress. As frustrating as the court process can be, it can also come through and do the right thing.

Overcoming The Consequences Of Addiction

All of the progress I made is because I worked on myself first. Getting my kids back was always my number one priority, but it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t made my sobriety a priority. My custody case was a major factor in getting clean, but it wasn’t the only thing. I knew that regardless of whether I ever regained custody of my kids, I needed to get clean for myself.

Attending family therapy with my kids has helped out a lot as well. It’s helped them air out their feelings and keep me in check. I never want to make them to feel like I don’t care. Because of our therapy sessions, they have a better understanding of addiction and they don’t blame me as much as they used to. They knew that I was under a spell and that my alcohol and substance use disorder did not define me anymore.

I make sure to provide a stable environment and keep a regular routine. I do this to prevent my kids from making the same mistakes that I did. Addiction runs in my family, so I am aware that they could potentially deal with these issues as they get older. It scares me, but I do everything I can to teach them how dreadful addiction can be. I want them to know the harsh realities of addiction.

Seeking Treatment For Parents Struggling With Addiction

Familial relationships are always going to be tricky to deal with. When you throw addiction or mental health issues into the mix, it’s even more difficult. As a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, I focus on helping other parents who are struggling.

Whenever I am in a support group and meet a struggling parent, I tell my story so they can learn that not only is recovery possible, but being a good parent again is possible too.

Having your child’s best interest is your responsibility as a parent. It may sound like something that goes without saying, but it’s very easy to forget for anyone struggling with addiction. If you or someone you love are in a similar situation as I was, South Shores Recovery will fight for you and help you get your life back, as long as you are willing to fight for sobriety as well.

If you are in a situation similar to mine, make a confidential call and see your options, I know it helped me and my family become whole again.